Curing My Disease

My impatience is spoiled by the 15-second limit on Instagram, Snapchat, Vine, and all social media apps where my thumb pushes up on my screen. Things are just a 12cm piece of content passing through in motion as my eyes watch and brain decides if it’s worth my thumb to stop for a few seconds or even better, go back. 

I don’t have the patience to read articles lately. My eyes search for numbers, lists, bolds, and paragraph beginnings. My hand constantly scrolls to the next picture. I click on different time intervals on Youtube videos to get to the better part. 

My attention span is going towards extinction. 

Self-help remedy: Use (more of) my five senses.

Like, I extra breathe when the air is fresh or pungent. I touch and feel with the epidermis of my fingers the lichen on a tree, the fur on the head of an alpaca, and wheat in a field. I try to listen for sounds at different decibels when the wind blows and stops. I try to recall smelling scents of cool summer nights, sweat, Sri Lankan rain, seafood markets, Mexican spices. I try to really follow the lines with my eyes when I see a picture or photo - even if it’s on my phone screen - look at chiaroscuro, composition, what’s included and imagine what’s not. I try to guess the ingredients of that bite of culinary adventure in my mouth, letting my taste buds awaken in sequential order, pretending to be on Masterchef. Or just really, simply, trying to remember how life was lived before it changed.

My walk through Kensington was one of the most rewarding day I’ve felt in a while. Rewarding in that when I close my eyes, I relive the details - feeling the sun while the rest plays like a movie/dream crossover. 

So, to stay focused when I read something online, I force myself to pretend that I typed each letter. GMAT prep’s “read words in bundles” also helps. My lack of patience and diminishing attention span is scary as shit. I have a lot to work on.

Someone asked me recently, “Shouldn’t you change your outlook on tech/internet consider you may work for it one day?” I have nothing against tech/internet. I just want to not forget how to live.

- Anna @ 1:37am Aug 29 & 12:16am Sept 4